She’s 16 when I was 0 days old “,)

Do you have a mom who’s a teenager, a minor when you’re born? I do.

How does it feel?

I believe I feel normal when I was young until I matured when everything sets in and realized that Wow! it’s different when you’re expecting a mom to act like a mom to a child.

When I’ll look at my baby picture, my mind was busy analyzing.. how did it happen? Why did it happen? Why was she pregnant at a very young age? Where did it go wrong? What were her experiences when she’s younger? How was her education when she’s young? & many more…. I have a lot of questions unanswered.

Why?

Because my mom is like a mute who never shared her experience as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, as a mom, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend and as a wife. She just happened to be my mom.

Communication is not her expertise and that’s a challenge being the oldest and first daughter of the family. Well, not only with me but to all of us in the family.

We’re a family of 8! Yes, she managed to have a normal delivery of 6 children now ages 40, 24 (supposed to be 38 but she died with ovarian cancer leaving her 1.5yr old child with us), 35, 33, 20, & 18. If you do the math, the 4th and 5th have 13year age difference.

So, what was your mom like if she’s a mute?

Well, she can talk, she can shout, she can laugh, she can cry, I think she can make people laugh, she gets angry, she listens but she would hardly talk to me or anyone in the family about matters that matter.

She could talk to her friends, and probably she loves the companion of others and she’s comfortable talking to other people like some neighbourhood moms and they’d chat for hours.

I did observe her and she’d pitched in some ideas or topic that would interest the group for discussion but not to us her family. I have no clue what’s in her mind, heart, and body. I don’t know.

It’s tough to guess and to read her mind and heart though she likes to listen but not talking.

My mom was the 11th child out of 14 and yes, I get that all the time. It’s a huge family! It’s difficult for my grandparents to raise all 14 children when they don’t even have enough money to support their kids.

My grandpa used to drive a truck and my grandma was a stay at home Mama who cooked for her family. They have a tiny business, selling rice cakes and other local delicacies in a small rural, a town in the forest they called Malaybalay, now a City in the province of Bukidnon, Mindanao (Southern part), Philippines, part of Southeast Asia.

It must have been very difficult for my grandparents to feed all 14 and to send them all to school. Most of them are undergraduate and living a difficult and challenging life even up to this day and age.

My mom was probably 15year old, a 3rd-year high school when she met my 26-year-old father, who used to be a Soldier (now a Retired Army of the Philippines). They had a simple civil wedding 2 months before I was born and a mass wedding when I was 6years and 2months old.

She’s 16 when I was born and I don’t think she could raise me at that very young age. Since my father was a soldier and had to be in the field in different areas of the Philippines, my mom had to go with him too. They left me at my father’s parents in Digos, Davao Del Sur. That’s about 5–7hour bus ride during those times from Malaybalay, Bukidnon.

It may seem strange but I have a bit of memory that I could recall being a one-year-old child. When I told my parents about it these days, they’re amazed and asked how the hell I remembered those memories. I am not sure.

So, after a year or so staying with my grandparents, my parents fetched me and they sent me back to Bukidnon and left me there with my extended family.

Do you recall any other moments with your mom when you’re a child?

Apart from her being away most of the time, when she’s with me, I felt like a burdened to her. I mean as a child, you just want to play outside and be with the other kids. I don’t think she likes that, and she’d beat me even in front of everybody and everyone. She’d beat me with belt, different broom types until it’s destroyed. She’s unstoppable.

She’d beat me like she’s about to kill me. When I think about it these days, half of my brain would say, it’s okay, at least you’ve been disciplined that way. The other half would say, she could have been in jail for child abused. My father too could have been convicted for marrying a minor right? Probably it was acceptable during their era. Probably.

Yes, I’d just cry for hours screaming and fell asleep. Every time she did that, I wished to die at that instant. But I’m still here alive and still striving to survive. I think I’ve been dead and resurrected a lot of times with what I’ve been through.

I never recalled having a heart to heart conversation with my mom as a child, like a mother-daughter conversation. I think she’s pissed with me when I was young because I just love to play. My father told me that they’re supposed to abort me but I survived.

When my father told me that, I thought it would have been best if they did abort me. So, I don’t have to go through what I’ve been through. I know life is never easy for all of us rich and poor.

If I had not changed my mindset, I would have been dead by now again. But I’m still breathing and I’m learning to write. Yeah, gurl! Go for it!

Wait, is that the end?

For now…. but I’ll be back sharing more to you and everyone.

One last question for this session, do you love or hate your mom?

Without a doubt, I love my mom. After all, she’s still my mother, I just wished she could have been more mom, mother and Mama to me as a child. But what would I expect for a 16yr old right? (shoulders shrugged)

Alright, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye for now and let’s chat again soon. Take care!

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a Work in Progress. 💜 私の人生 — Plato’s Allegory of the CAVE & Aristotle’s Eudaimonia 💚 がんばって❤️ 可愛い 💛

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Ohwell Seven

Ohwell Seven

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a Work in Progress. 💜 私の人生 — Plato’s Allegory of the CAVE & Aristotle’s Eudaimonia 💚 がんばって❤️ 可愛い 💛