How did I manage to live despite all the difficulties and pains? “,)
They say life begins at 40, may I know why? I’ll be 40 in the next 30hrs.
What’s with four-zero? I’m not sure. I don’t know. I have no idea.
When I was younger, I thought, I wouldn’t reach that age.
I was born with a teenager and minor mom, raised in the extended poor family, sexually abused as a child, raped by a Holy Man in my mid-20s, got pregnant by another Holy Man, I had a miscarriage, diagnosed with early and premature menopause before 30, lost my job for a decision I thought would make me rich but no, I’m jobless especially during this pandemic times. My sister and one of my best friends died with ovarian cancer, my aunts too died with cancer. I was lost and confused. Remained single and never been married.
I struggled to make ends meet. I’m still breathing. Why?
I often asked myself, why am I still here? Why am I still alive? Why am I still breathing? What else is there for me? What else could this world offer?
I’m nothing, I made a lot of mistakes, I’m a failure, I’m a sinner. I’m nobody.
These thoughts almost had me kill myself a few times. But it never happened.
Why? I thought of my poor parents, my siblings, my nephews and nieces, my relatives, my grandparents, my friends who cared deeply for me.
None of them knew what I went through except for my deceased best friend. Her death makes me want to join her 3 days before the start of the World lockdown. I’ve never seen her remains, it’s still in France. :(
What keeps me going? The thought of helping out.
Helping those in need, helping those in trouble, helping those who had similar challenges as I am.
I’m not gonna lie, I lost hope, faith, confidence, self-esteem, I became so weak but I’m still keeping myself busy trying to live for the people I love much and who were rooting for me.
I envisioned my 40 to be living and helping out a lot of people. I have forgiven all those who wronged me including the Managers who dismissed me from their teams. I just hope that they are now the best versions of themselves. I understand them.
I must face this crazy beautiful world and conquer all these challenges. I still ought to meet some wonderful and amazing people out there!
Let us all live with a Happy Thought, a Healthy Body, & a Peaceful Heart.
Cheers my friends! Take care!
